We generally get what we deserve. Most of us don’t like to admit it. When things don’t go well for us, it is in our nature to look for an excuse or someone to blame. Taking ownership of our lives and circumstances takes courage that most of don’t have.
I’m not saying that bad things that are not our fault don’t happen. All of us have been victims in some way or another. Many have had suffered terrible injustices. But for the most part, life is what we make of it. The choices we make lead to consequences, good or bad.
When bad things happen in our lives, as a result of our choices or caused by something out of our control, how we choose to act is a measure of our character. When I first wrote the previous sentence, I used the word “react.” I realized that wasn’t right. Choosing how to act is the exact opposite of reacting.
Taking responsibility for our own circumstances, no matter how crappy a hand life has dealt us or how deep a hole we have dug ourselves into, is the very first and most important principle of success. If life is to be lived well, we must be moving forward. Dwelling on where we have been does us little good.
One of my rules in life is never let the things you can’t do or didn’t do stop you from doing the things that you can. Although regret can be a good teacher and motivator when used as an instrument for positive change, it can destroy the soul of those who dwell upon it. We must learn from our mistakes, make the necessary adjustments and move forward.
Letting go of bitterness and anger is a must. God has asked us to forgive everyone. Is it because he thinks they deserve a pass? Perhaps in some instances they do. Often we judge far to harshly, taking offense at things of little consequence or for things we all do at some time or another. To do so is just silly.
But what about the big things. Should we forgive the thief, the rapist, the child molester or the murderer? The unrepentant? God has asked us to, no matter the offense. If you believe in such things, which I do, you have to ask yourself why and even how. The how is difficult and I will touch on later, but the why is easy.
The answer is tha a God loves us and wants us to be happy and there is absolutely no benefit to ourselves in holding on to hate and bitterness. It will not make a single thing better in your life. I have never met a person motivated by anger or the need for revenge who as happy.
I want to make it clear that forgiveness does not equate to letting the criminal go unpunished or allow ourselves to be victims. To assure our safety and security and to establish an orderly society, actions that harm must be deterred. And we cannot continue to trust those who are not trustworthy.
Just as a good parent must sometimes correct a child with punitive discipline, we must also act to correct malfeasance in our society. But just as a loving parent holds no animosity towards the child’s, so must we move forward with goodwill and even love towards the offender.
Letting go is often easier said than done. The how is the hard part. However, if you accept the premise that it is critical to your happiness, you are a third of the way there.
Step two is fostering an attitude of profound gratitude. Every single one of us, if we are honest with ourselves, have things to be grateful for. But often we choose to ignore our blessings because complaining about our lot in life and comparing it to others who have more or have had it better than us is easier than accepting where we are and what we need to do to make things better.
Be a glass half full type. There are many success stories about people who suffered beyond what most of us couldn’t even fathom but refused to complain or blame but very few who did the opposite and thrived.
In my experience even those who never achieve much or any relief from their unfortunate circumstances, if they choose to have gratitude, are happy. Conversely, I have met many people who are healthy and wealthy who lack gratitude and live miserable lives.
Being grateful is an anathema to hate. You cannot be thankful and bitter at the same time.
The third and final step is a gift given freely to those who want it. But it does require us to seek it. I didn’t intend to get too religious when I started on this topic, but it is the natural conclusion of this discussion. Being able to truly let go of hate and anger can only come as we see the offender and ourselves through God’s eyes. To understand our worth and the value of every living soul is a gift that God gives freely to anyone who seeks it.
You may not have experienced communing with your maker. You may have no faith in God at all. But I can promise you if you can muster even a desire to believe in a loving and kind God, seeking Him will reveal to you your nature as His son or daughter.
Continuing to move forward every day, refusing to be a victim, refusing to blame and hate, and seeking God with a grateful heart will give us the courage we need to own our lives and circumstances. Life isn’t t-ball. The only trophies we get that will mean anything, we earn. But that doesn’t mean that we all cannot be winners.
The world has an abundance. Everyone can partake of it’s gifts. So start where you are now and move forward, one step at a time. You may stumble at first. But before you know it, you will be running like the wind .